SAN ANTONIO – With complete vulnerability, abuse survivor Sylvester Harris described his journey from victim to survivor.
“What brought me to the shelter was a situation with an ex-lover of mine. It got kind of physical. I don’t really have a lot of family here, and once the police were called to the scene, they referred me to the Family Place,” Harris said.
The Family Place is an organization that helps abuse survivors across the state.
One of its services is running one of the only shelters in the southwest for male abuse victims.
Harris wants other men to know abuse isn’t just physical.
“Abusers have a way of stripping you of your dignity, your self-esteem, and once that is stripped anything is possible. Whether it be mental abuse, financial abuse, physical abuse,” he said.
Harris admitted that being a man kept him from reaching out for help.
“I feel like a lot of people don’t ask for help just because they don’t want to look like they’re weak,” Harris said.
The Family Place reports research shows that it is significantly more difficult for male victims to leave their abusers due to social expectations, fear of leaving children with their abusers, or feeling the legal system has minimized their abuse claims.
“I felt a lot of shame,” Harris said.
Even so, he took the hard steps anyway.
Harris lived in The Family Place men’s shelter in Dallas for 32 days.
He got a case manager and counseling and had other men around him who had been through the same thing.
“The Family Place helped me get into an apartment, they paid for it for like four months. I was able to get a scholarship so I could further my education,” Harris said.
It’s crucial for South Texans to know that type of help is also available locally in San Antonio.
There is housing and resources for men at the San Antonio shelter run by Family Violence Prevention Services, which offers resources to people of all genders and sexual orientations.
Men with children can be automatically placed in apartment-style housing on campus called the Cottages.
Men on their own can also be transferred to hotels around the city and receive free transportation to and from the shelter, where they can receive all the services they need.
“They’re still given a case manager. They can still have legal resources as well as counseling resources,” said FVPS Lead Shelter Monitor Felicia Ruiz.
Ruiz said it’s not extremely common to have men in the shelter, and she hopes that changes.
“They can just call our hotline. It’s open, accessible for them 24/7,” she said.
Ruiz is proud of men like Harris, who are publicly talking about this breaking stigma.
“You absolutely can be abused as a man in a domestic violence situation. One of the things I learned in counseling at The Family Place is to trust your instincts. There were so many red flags I ignored just because I wanted somebody,” Harris said.
He wants others to feel validated, so they realize they are in an abusive relationship, which gives them the chance to get out.
“It’s tough. Sometimes I just gotta remind myself, ‘You can do this. We’re gonna get through this, and we’re going to be able to show somebody in your situation or who was in your situation that you can overcome this,’” Harris said.
He now has his own apartment, a great job, and a degree he’s about to get in December.
“I am so appreciative of the services I’ve gotten,” Harris said.
If you or someone you know is struggling with domestic abuse, there is a long list of resources on the KSAT Domestic Violence page.
The Family Violence Prevention Services which runs the shelter and also offers wrap-around services can be reached at (210) 733-8810 or on their website.
The national Domestic Violence Hotline number is (800) 799-7233 and they have people available to chat live on their website.